A while back I wrote to a friend 5 E-mails back to back which I titled "My Life as a Series".   The entire piece was written in stream-of- consciousness  and so it can seem incoherent at times.  I wrote this in reply to a friend who didn't really know me so I explained myself to her.  Due to this the letter will say "you" alot and refer to "here" (Arkadelphia, AR) quite often.   At the time this was written, I was finishing off my senior year in High School and I tried to explain my views on High School society.  Of course, as with all thing, people change over time, and I have changed my views somewhat since this was written.  If there is something that needs to be explained it will be in italics like this.  Someday I'll add to this series and bring it up to date since some ideas portrayed in this no longer apply.  I'm still debating keeping this page up, because the people who it was sent to knew me pretty well before reading it. I don't know what people who are reading this to get a first impression of me will think, and some things about me are best learned after meeting and knowing me a while.  If I start getting negative feedback due to this I'll probably take it down, but until then, here's my life:

"My Life as a series"

    Okay I guess its time for me to talk about my life. Well I don't know where to start really. Um I guess I'll mimic you and talk about games. I have owned a Nintendo, Sega, Sega CD, and now a Playstation. It all started in 2nd grade when my parents bought me a NES for Christmas and at that time I was addicted. I had found something that could occupy my time for hours on end, and soon after that my parents had learned they made a mistake. I use to keep track of every game I "conquered" and up until 4th or 5th grade I could rattle them all off. There was not a game that I had played that I hadn't beaten (never-ending games like Tetris never counted). People would make bets on me on how long it would take me to beat a game.... it got to be that bad, and then sometime in 5th grade the games got so large in number I started forgetting them and now I can give you a list of games I have beaten, but no where near the total of them all. I also can name off dates that pertain to games, I remember my life better that way for some reason. Example: December 16th 1992, I got Sonic 2 and played it until December 17th when at midnight I beat it with my grandparents watching me. I would leave all my video game magazines lying around by "accident" with the pages that had the advertisements of games I wanted so my parents could get the hint, and I remember I had like 6 magazines laid out for that one. Well Christmas of 93 I had had my Sega CD already 6 months and I was looking for something more to interest me.... and that's when I came across the magical game genre called RPG's which were suppose to be 60 hours long and really cool. So on Christmas I received Lunar Silver Star, and at once I was hooked! The animation! The actual voices! It was so cool. And to boot it had dragons and magic and monster, it was like a fantasy tale all rolled up in a game! I loved Fantasy tales like that but never knew it was what I wanted out of something, you know? I mean it was like I knew there was something out there that I liked in movies and games, but I couldn't tell what it was, but when I played Lunar I knew it was the fantasy aspect of it all, along with the Japanese Animation which I am now hooked on. I could go on about my achievements in games, they keep on hitting me the more I type, such as one day I got REALLY bored so I made a goal for myself, and then I did it: I woke up that Saturday at 6 AM and went through the ENTIRE game of Lunar in one day, by 1 AM that night I had it beaten, and I was so proud *sniff sniff* 
    But of course those days are long behind me, I can still play a game for hours on end abut I like the more outgoing method of meeting people and not letting them know of my old habits. Rarely do I ever go into hiding like I did before and play like that. But even then I went out alot, I was sorta outgoing, a tad shy, but I did do other things, I had my little game clique at school and we had fun.  I had my jock friends and everyone else and I was in all that little soccer league jazz. But I don't remember much except games and such back then so that's what I talk about. I can rattle off about alot of those things, but these seem important to me (of course in 7th grade girls started looking real good.... and those evil girls I would pick on in 4th and 5th grade were now girls I chased after for different reasons....) Well on to part two, Junior High.....

"Part 2-The Junior Higher Strikes Back"

Okay now for my other interests.. I have always been the odd person, mixing up different aspects from different genres, it seems to be a constant in my life that I do things with no real pattern. Example, I like games and and all that but I don't like to read period, which is kinda weird for some people, especially RPG'ers. I like comic books (both kinds, Garfield, Calvin, X-men.....) but will deny it if someone asks. I am like 3 different people, I can blend in with almost every crowd because I have been around alot of different cliques. And the weird thing is all my different personalities were enemies of each other along with their friends. My Church clique hated my Game friends  and vice versa, my game friends disliked the girls I hung with and if I hung with my game friends girls seemed to avoid me, my band friends didn't care for my church friends or my game friends and they thought I should date band girls not choir girls, and my gal friends never knew of my secret love of video games and comics since in Junior High that's a good symbol of nerdom. I never knew who I was back then, I didn't know which me was the real me, and its almost the same here. I guess I feel the most like me when I am by myself, because that is the time I use to think and contemplate life and such, its when I play games and such that my mind wonders and lets me explore my brains inner self, and maybe that's why I've been acting weird for a while since I haven't had any me time, its been all Katie (the ex-gf), or band or work or whatever, never just me. I still haven't beaten a game I got for Christmas. Alot of stuff I say and do in school is what I have taught myself to do because I notice that's how people get laughed at in a good way. I mean, sometimes it seems I talk about some dirty things or insinuate some pretty ambiguous statements, but honestly I actually rarely think about those things in real life, its weird, I guess when I joke about it its my way of dealing with those issues. I've talked to alot of people here, and by my standards I am one of the innocent people here, yet people think otherwise because I try to make them think otherwise, people think I am out living an evil life and such when all I am really doing is composing music or playing a good RPG. And frankly I have learned it doesn't matter what people think cuz as long as I'm happy the world doesn't matter... and I have alot to be happy for too, I mean sure I get depressed sometimes, but when I sit down and think about it, I am one of the luckiest guys there is, I mean I can do almost anything, I may not be the best at everything I do but I can at least try! I mean I have a great art ability that can take me far, I am a great acrobat and show off when it comes to flips, I can get A's on ANYTHING without even trying or studying or do home work, I play great trumpet without practice, I compose music with ease, I can work with computers like there were nothing and so on... and the weird thing is, I hate saying all of that!! I hate being egotistical (which is why trumpet doesn't suite me too well) People tend to hate others who show off so I try to humble myself to everyone, people like me better that way and I can live better that way. Yet sometimes people do dislike me and there is nothing I can do about it, I guess my biggest fear is a person not liking me and I can't control that aspect of them. Alot of people hate the fact I never do any work, never read anything, or never practice and still get better grades, know more, and place better than them, and its not my fault. Sometimes I wish I could just meet another me out there to see what others see and fix the wrong things. In TX I had some great friends who I would talk to all the time and we would argue abut just intelligent stuff and have a great time, but I have yet to find someone like that here. No one here has really found that inner-self yet, everyone does something because of something else or someone else thinks its cool, and I do it sometimes but not all the time. Sure when others are in the car I'll turn on the radio and listen to songs which aren't my favorite, but when they are gone I listen to my game soundtracks, Parasite Eve music, and whatever else is playing on my self-recorded tapes..... and yet there's more, on to my tastes in movies, games etc....

"Part 3- Return of the Japanese Mozart"

If you were to look at my CD collection you wouldn't find any Backstreet, Metallica, or Jazz, you would mostly find soundtracks of various off-beat movies and games. I enjoy those other genres and such, but I won't buy the CD's of them since can usually just borrow them from the other people and copy the songs I like on tape or mp3. I don't particularly like a certain band or composer, I like their works instead. Sure Backstreet boys might put out a good song but that doesn't mean everything of theirs is great, just that one song possibly. I know songs, I don't know who wrote them though. My favorite genre is techno I guess, but it changes alot. My most favorite music is instrumental though, something with words and human voices takes away from the impact of songs. I don't know why, but I rather hear a songs with no people in it. Of course there are exceptions. I like songs where I can't figure out what they are saying. Certain Japanese songs that make no sense to me at all are my favorites since I can't figure out what they are saying so the voices just sound like another instrument. Gregorian chant is the same way, its so peaceful and its like a bunch of instruments and not a bunch of people singing words with a message. My favorite pastime is mixing totally opposite things together to create something weird but cool. Like Gregorian chant and a hard techno bass feel (much like Enigma's song or even the first part of track 1 on the Jars of Clay CD). Another cool mixture I do are playing classical music like Mozart while playing Quake or some other shoot'em up game. Something about the nice smooth sound of Beethoven and the screams of hoards of monsters and guns fascinate me because they aren't suppose to mix but they do. Okay, so why do I own soundtracks then? Because I like music that reminds me of things. Instrumental soundtracks remind me of when I watched the movie and what I was feeling at the time. When ever I hear the Jurassic Park soundtrack I remember when I was in 5th grade (actually the summer after) and was watching the movie I had waited forever to see. Every time I listen to Face Off I remember the excitement it provoked onto me. Forrest Gump and Contact bring sadness with their gentle melodies, and the Simpsons' brings laughter with their songs. I think the soundtrack to something is half the total experience, a movie or game without a soundtrack is nothing. All the songs I play on piano are songs from the Final Fantasy series, but no one knows that, and yet when I play them I see tears form in their eyes and they ask me what it was I played and I just can't tell them because it would ruin it for them.... "No game can have music that means that much to someone"... well that's not true... Parasite Eve is a great game almost solely for its soundtrack. Sure at first I thought the game was stupid, but then I played it 6 or 7 months later after beating it the first time and fell in love with it all. I listen to the main theme almost daily and unfortunately most people never hear the full orchestrated 8 minute version since the don't have the patience to go through the game 2 times and spend 40 hours on the Chrysler building to get the real ending. Another thing I enjoy is turning computerized songs into full orchestrated songs. I have multiple mp3's from Japan where they take common songs played in NES games and such and make them fully orchestrated, like Mario and many Final Fantasy's. So there you have it, my music tastes. Sure I could go on and on, there are all kinds of genre's I like, and I like the songs of Metallica and etc., I just prefer not to own their CD's and just download a Mp3 or something if I have to hear the song. Now on to movies....

"Part 4- Lights, Camera, Showtime"

aw yes movies, how I do love the so. I am a fan of alot of movies that make you think and are intelligent, but I also love those straight out shoot em up and blow them up type things. Its how I was raised. Horror movie with monsters have also always interested me, my dad use to take me to them all as a kid and they never really scared me. Predator, Jaws, Aliens, Deep Star 6, the Relic, anything like that always interests me. Then there are those psychological scary movies that seem to be making a comeback, I love those too since they actually have found a way to scare me. Movies like Event Horizon, Ghosts in the Darkness, Sixth Sense, Blair Witch, all of those just really get into your head and get you thinking. Next I like those sci-fi movies, like Star Wars and Star Trek, while I don't claim to be a trekkie or Star Wars fanatic, I have a photographic memory that helps me remember specific scenes and names of planets and such that confuses people into thinking I have no life and only watch those movies. I never watch any TV Star Trek, just doesn't interest me.... I know too much about movies to be any good, I have just too good of a memory I guess, and it never reaches out into the real world. Like I can't remember who that girl was I met last night at that restaurant but I know Jim Carrey had a very small role in the last Dirty Harry movie in which he dies within 30 seconds of the movie... I know alot of actors in their early roles and if I ever met one I plan to embarrass them by acting like I know them from some popular movie and then saying "you were the third guy killed in that 80's piranha flick weren't you?" And nowadays my mom is pushing me towards those more indie films, movies like Clerks and World According to Garp (which is one of the best books I've ever read, but then again I haven't read much). And I have grown to love Anime since most of it is fantasy and sci-fi like Lunar or Star Wars, and they don't edit things out in it, it never follows the rules of American animation, the main character can die, and blood can be seen.... its movies like that which have led me to start the Anime club in our school, we have had like 8 meetings so far and we have watched all kinds of films, not all animes, Stanley Kubrick films are good plus anything else that makes you think...

"Finale-The World According to Jay"

[At this point it was really late in the night so I cheated and copied 3 of my Essays about my life and posted them as my 5th and final E-mail so I could go to sleep. Those same 3 essays can be found in the About Me section.] 

 

More about me